Wednesday, July 4, 2012

What Not to Wear vol.8

Ah, the diamond earring stud. The international sign of douchbaggery. Like the rotating red-and-blue lights of a cop car, the bedazzling shine of a diamond stud earring makes me stop immediately and not listen to a single thing the owner says. 
Here’s where you typically see these:
-Rappers who have the swagger to buy them and wear them
-Everyone else who doesn’t
I get "man jewelry." I'm all about Miansai bracelets, and I've got so many watches I need TWO arms. But diamond studs are unnecessary. I’m neither awed nor impressed. If anything, you’ve only saved me the time of having to actually get to know you to see if I respect you as a man. I don’t. Thanks for that.
Now I hear what you’re thinking. I’m cool. I have swag. I’ve made a mixtape on Garageband. Let me stop you right there. 
If you: A. Haven’t rapped for 10 years; or B. You don’t own your own brand of vodka/vitamin water- Put the studs away. 

C'mon son. Also, happy birthday America, you old coot!


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