What Not to Wear vol.10

Is this post infinitely redundant? Absolutely (so I'll keep it short). Does it still need to be said? Absolutely. 

Cargo shorts-Stop. No. Don’t.

-MD

Haters Gon' Hate

In my What not to Wears, I talk about what I don’t like to see guys wearing. Not that I really care, because if you want to look like shit, go ahead dude you’ll only make me look better by comparison. But to assuage your fears that I’m a negative nancy, harping on things guys wear because they just need to run to the store or they just want to be comfortable, understand that others across the web feel the same way.

Short Jorts, Tank Tops and Other Horror Stories- this article by Steve Dool of Four Pins. The writers on Four Pins are great, and their stuff cracks my shit UP. If for no other reason, read this for the comedic value.

Put This On piece downplaying trendier tailoring- by Jesse Thorn. Have you figured out I like this guy yet? There’s a reason I read PTO every day.

Justin Bieber blows, but Zac Efron? Dude's legit. Have you even seen 17 Again?

StyleGirlfriend hates on tank tops- tank tops suck. Even more so if you’re totally jacked and you just want to show off your guns. You look like a tool. End of discussion. 

If the StyleGrilfriend isn’t turned on by tank tops, then you’re not impressing anyone. And she's the type of girl you'd want to turn on.

Everyone makes mistakes, and I’m a forgive and forget Christian, so no worries. Brush it off and move on. Just keep in mind that people, of all kinds, really do judge you on what you wear. Try new things, experiment and express yourself, but stay classy for God’s sake.

Thanks for reading, as always,

MD

What Not to Wear vol.8

Ah, the diamond earring stud. The international sign of douchbaggery. Like the rotating red-and-blue lights of a cop car, the bedazzling shine of a diamond stud earring makes me stop immediately and not listen to a single thing the owner says. 

Here’s where you typically see these:

-Rappers who have the swagger to buy them and wear them

-Everyone else who doesn’t

I get "man jewelry." I'm all about Miansai bracelets, and I've got so many watches I need TWO arms. But diamond studs are unnecessary. I’m neither awed nor impressed. If anything, you’ve only saved me the time of having to actually get to know you to see if I respect you as a man. I don’t. Thanks for that.

Now I hear what you’re thinking. I’m cool. I have swag. I’ve made a mixtape on Garageband. Let me stop you right there. 

If you: A. Haven’t rapped for 10 years; or B. You don’t own your own brand of vodka/vitamin water- Put the studs away. 

C'mon son. Also, happy birthday America, you old coot!

-MD

What Not to Wear vol.6

Gentlemen. It’s a mantra I’ve oft repeated in a variety of forms. How you dress sends a message about who you are and the values you represent. 

When you wear a suit, you give off an air of, “I’m here to do business,” even if you’re not. Right now I’m wearing a swimsuit, styled from the mid-60s, a Hawaiian, Tommy Bahama shirt, and white Chuck Taylors. The message I’m sending is something like, “I’m here to party,” or “Weekend at Bernie’s.” But I’m also drinking a rum drink out of a coconut and about to actually go to a party, so I’m kind of spot-on.

You don’t always have to dress up, because there’s a way to dress down the middle, looking put together without overly stuffy. Even I threw on shorts and a madras button down before running to buy the rum & coconut.

Yes, I saw someone wearing these.

I don’t know why Crocs were invented. I don’t really care frankly, because I can’t see any justification for wearing these shoes, let alone owning them. When I see a grown man wearing Crocs, I start to wonder about him. What was he thinking in buying these, and more importantly, what does that say about other life decisions he’s making? No one will take you seriously if you’re in Crocs. Even camo ones. 


Stay classy,


MD

What Not to Wear vol. 4

I decided to walk to class today for the first time in awhile. I regretted it immediately (too far, too hot, too sunny, not enough hot babes). But look what I saw!

Jean shorts. Jean shorts?! Yes, jean shorts. Because in one of those epic blunders in menswear history, someone said to himself, “Hey. Jeans are cool. I bet jean shorts would be even more cool!” (or probably something even more idiotic than that). And some people, some naive, helpless people, liked the idea.

Sorry for the weird angle. It's hard to snap a pic with your phone without looking like a creeper.

DO NOT wear jean shorts (or jorts as they are often called, in order to make fun of them and describe them all in one word). There is no reason to wear jean shorts. They aren’t more comfortable and they sure as hell aren’t better looking than anything else you could be wearing. Wear regular shorts, preferably bermudas (you know, the dressy looking kind that aren’t cargo shorts). With low-top Chuck Taylor’s and a t-shirt (albeit it looks kind of ill-fitting), this outfit wouldn’t have been half bad. Jean shorts though are an automatic no-go. (No one gets laid in jean shorts. Trust me.)

More news as it develops,

MD