Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Swimsuit Standards

Just got back from a much-needed vacation in Cancun. It may be a bit early to start talking swimsuits, but Spring Break isn’t too far away. More importantly though, there were some things I saw that I just had to address now. 
First style tip today (It has nothing to do with swimsuits): never pop your collar. You don’t look cool if your collar is popped. You look like a tool. If you are only doing it because you saw someone who you thought was “cool” doing the same thing, then you have poor taste in role models. 
Don’t you want to punch that kid in the face?
Second style tip: wear it with confidence. No matter what you’re wearing, always rock it with confidence. You want to give the impression that you know what you’re doing and you know you look damned good doing it. Since this was a solo trip, I tried experimenting with new styles away from the judging eyes of my friends and family. I was hoping to make the switch away from a pre-teen pair of board-shorts and more towards a volley short like the one here:

Unfortunately, I failed miserably. My Celtic lineage blessed me with the power to drink inordinate amounts of liquor, but it also cursed be with mankind’s palest skin. Seriously, I’ve seen darker sheets of paper. 
I knew as soon as I put them on that they weren’t for me, and I spent the whole day close to the bar, hoping I could drink some confidence into myself. I couldn’t. I’m not saying these shorts aren’t viable options, because I think they’d work well for most. But when you make a bold fashion leap, make sure you have the cojones to pull it off. Look like you know what you’re doing, and you’ve won almost half the battle. 
Bonus tips: Don’t wear a swimsuit that could be confused as underwear. It’s gross and no one wants to see it. 
-Also, wear appropriately sized clothing. A swimsuit should not be so tight that it rigidly defines the outline of your crotch. 
More news as it develops,

1 comment: