How the Illuminati Runs Menswear

If you didn’t know, I’m in the Illuminati. That is to say, I’m applying for their much coveted internship. It’s a prestigious position, and a stepping stone to joining an exclusive and illustrious club, akin to being the fluffer for Yale’s Skull and Bones. As (expected to be) Social Media Intern for the Illuminati, I've started a PR campaign to slowly show the world our contributions to society. It's not all government cover-ups and assassinations here people. WE RUN THIS SHIT, end to end. If you're ever feeling truly helpless and alone, and if you feel the world is beyond your control, know that it is. We run the government. We run the press. We run the rap game. We run #menswear. Suck it peasants.

EMINEM

Eminem popped onto the scene with bleached hair, which was remarkable at the time because no male felt appropriate about dying his hair piss-yellow for no legitimate reason. BUT THEN DIDN'T YOU BEG YOUR MOM TO DYE YOUR HAIR BLONDE AFTER SEEING MARSHALL MATHERS? This “youthful” act attracted the “counterculture” of the hip-hop scene, which is to say white kids who weren’t entirely comfortable listening to rap in public. 

KANYE WEST

Kanye West is an enigma, and in my personal opinion, a closeted szzurp sipper. What else can explain his sartorial decisions? One day it’s well put together, like a #menswear Tumblr picture that’s been reposted 1000 times by guys in Brooklyn who are overly into blogs. On other days, it’s this. Dude raps hella good though, and he was the FIRST to essentially tell Taylor Swift to sit down and shut the fuck up. Ugly girls be cryin’ Taylor. Ugly girls. Remember that.

DR. DRE, M.D.

Oh, you didn’t know Dre was in the Illuminati? How do you think he went from this to this to this. The dude runs the West Coast, donned in all-black and a White Sox hat. And so begins the era of flat-billed hats with teams you have no association with.  Menswear is all about aesthetics.

JAY-Z

What a tangled web we weave.

Speaking of all-black-everything, you best believe Jay-Z is in the Illuminati. That is the only logical explanation I can think of for how he is banging Beyonce (that and the money/rap career). All-black is the standard dress code for Illuminati meetings, which Jay SHOULDN’T have talked about, but he foots the bill for our paintball team-building, so I’ll let it slide. He also says he made the Yankee hat famous, but I feel like that was probably Babe Ruth. 

CYPRESS HILL

Cypress Hill is not in the Illuminati. 

LITTLE WAYNE

It’s rumored (by lunatics) that Lil Wayne sold his soul to the devil in return for fame and fortune. I’m not sure if that’s true, but I do know that Weezy F. Baby (don’t forget the F, baby) popularized the over-tattoo-ification that’s strangled menswear streetstyle. The only way to ensure Scott Schuman will snap a pic of your tattoos is if you don’t give him the option. 

THE NOTORIOUS B.I.G.

Know who came up with the idea that "black is a slimming color"? Take a guess. Chris also popularized newsboy caps, cementing his sartorial legacy.

SNOOP (insert animal)

Snoop Dogg was a member of the Illuminati, but his patented hair braids never caught on in the menswear realm. As a result, he renounced his faith, sold all his possessions, and became Snoop Lion, king of the concrete jungle. His music videos are no longer as cool as they once were. What we giveth, we taketh away.

That's all she wrote,

MD

Step up your pocket square game

I was going to write something witty about this, but all I could think was that a Crip in my neighborhood gave me one of these for free.  Shit wasn’t silk, but it still looks good tucked in my blazer pocket. That’s how you rep your gang but still pull off mad menswear style. Cops ain’t lookin at the dude in the blazer homes. Step up your pocket square game. 

-MD

My Grandpa has this jacket in his basement

What is it with camo right now? WWII chic? I don’t really get it, because I personally think it makes you look like one of those crazy militia members that thinks the prez is going to invade the US with NATO’s black helicopters. I mean, I get that some guys dig this stuff. But I’m not one of those guys, mostly because I don’t go paint-balling that much. Fuck, if you’re going to be wearing camo as streetwear, shouldn’t it at least be urban camo? Buy this jacket, and you’ll be the coolest hardest to find guy on the street. Oh, and by the way, MY GRANDPA HAS THIS JACKET IN HIS BASEMENT I SHIT YOU NOT. I’ll give it to you for the steal price of $1000.

Peace out, 

MD

Bored to Death

Did anyone ever watch “Bored to Death?” I always find myself re-watching the series in the fall. I don’t know if it’s some sort of nostalgia intertwined with the show’s original airing or what it is exactly, but I like it. It’s got a sort of melancholy to it that pairs nicely with autumn. Leaves exploding in colors, the temperature dropping enough to experiment with pieces and layers, pumpkin beers, Halloween, cider. Soon it will be cold, lifeless winter, but the change is in such a good way. It’s a beautiful sadness.

Plus, “Bored to Death” is a bit stimulating from a menswear perspective. GQ once rated Jonathan Ames, the show’s main character, as one of the worst dressed characters on TV. That’s certainly a fair judgment, because there’s a lot of questionable pattern mixing, but it’s interesting to look at. Sometimes you learn just as much from what people do wrong as you learn from what people do right. 

Source

Source

Source

If you haven’t seen it, it’s worth a look. There were only three seasons before HBO cancelled it to make way for shows like “Girls” (which I actually do watch, despite it being pretty much like Sex & the City, but set in Brooklyn with poor 20-year-olds. Don’t judge me, it can be funny). I can understand why HBO cancelled it though, because in rewatchings I’ve come to notice how ridiculous it was. It’s definitely a love-it-or-hate-it kind of show, but to me, it’s enjoyable enough.

Thanks for reading, 

MD

The Case for Spending a Little More Sometimes

I ran across this article while reading through Put This On today, and I genuinely think it’s a worthwhile read. I’ve tried to articulate this point in previous posts, but I’d consider it a must-read for guys who can’t wrap their heads around the sometimes exorbitant prices that abound in menswear. I know I was once that way, but after experimenting with things at different prices, I am convinced that there is a noticeable difference in quality, construction, and fit for some higher priced goods.

The Case for Spending a Little More Sometimes

More news as it develops,

MD